128

Yes I know we have been through this before. But think how I feel. How may times is it, three, maybe four, that I have seen Veronica killed. And then what happens, Doil gets the red mist, the IGBI cook up another plan and I get the ear bashing. I have to give writing a musical with Mo a rain check and pop back to Mars, year of the Horse 40037, says Doil, no loitering with horny Irish girls, shed Fats and await further instructions. In the Worm Hole Detstabliser room, Red is pleased to see me and says we should take in a suround-a-round. Flash Gordon is playing at the Roxy. I can be the Ming the Merciless and she can be Flash. That's another rain check then. Why can't I be Flash and her the princess Aura, as far as I know Ming never had sex with anyone. I go home via the Prossing Company and become myself once again. Brian greets me like a long lost brother, which makes a change from the surly hello I got last time. I suspect some thing is up but enjoy the moment. I left earth in the dead of night, dead being the appropriate word, now it is early morning on Mars, and I am welcomed with fresh Columbiana coffee and jello doughnuts.

'Baked them myself, Sir.' says Brian.

'What, shook flour onto a board added, eggs and sugar and hand rolled them?'

'Not exactly.'

'How not exactly?'

'You know that I haven't any hands.' (Here we go.) He waits for a reply which I don't give.

'They are delicious, are they not, but think how much better they would be if I had hand rolled them.'

'Impossible to improve on them.' I say, 'So no, you can't have any hands. Anything else I should know. Crashed any star ships in any planets, or upset the IGRIS?'

'There is just one small thing, Sir.' I await the revelation, with a mixture of dread and expectation.

'We have bought a Planet, it's a copy of the original, but a Planet never the less.'

'Wow we own a Planet. Is it habitable?'

'It has a license for habitation, but as yet no one has been on it, except the engineers who set it up.'

'What's the catch?'

'Non Sir, you will like it.'

Now I am suspicious, no catch, nothing Brian has done is without a catch or caveat. I wait for the but.

'The license is to run it as a brothel.'

I am utterly speechless.

**************

Chico from the agency is on the holovid. I must be back exactly in my own time, as he doesn't look a day over thirty. Gone are the grey hair and wrinkles. He has a job for me on the artificial Earth pleasure planet. It's to play piano at the Sands, Las Vegas accompanying the Rat Pack. They won't be the real Rat Pack, but just as good. Frank, Dean, Sammy Jnr., with drop in appearances by Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop. The money's lousy, but I don't need it, rich enough to own my own planet n'all. I jump at the chance, this could be fun.

'Who am I prossing up as?' I ask. 'Count Basie was the original band leader.'

'Go as yourself, the audience won't know your not the Count.'

'But he was black, man!'

'So get a tan.' The holovid fades.

***************

Before I go to the gig I drop in on Veronica. She is on the same floor in the same room. The girl at the reception desk smiles like we are old friends, she tells me that I know where to go, and the elevator door opens in the wall. She may be a humanoid, her demeanure is so nice. I step out into Veronica's room and she is sitting in a Miles Van Der Rohe chair staring out over a view of Hawaii. A sound of crashing breakers and guitar music floats up on the breeze.

'What kept you Joe, I've been holed up in here for weeks.'

'It was only yesterday that you were stuck.' I say.

'Was it only yesterday, it feels like weeks. They slow your whole metabolism down during the surgery, it is difficult to tell the passage of time.'

'You look well,' I say. ' She looks at me with a steady gaze her eyes pink without the coloured contact lenses she normally wears, giving me the don't bullshit me look.

'If were well, I would be sitting on a real beach on Hawaii, high ball to one side and a muscle man on the other.'

'Don't expect me to bulk up just to satisfy your fantasies.' She turns from me and puts on her dark glasses.

'You've done your duty and visited me you can go now.'

The brush off, I am very offended. I am so offended that I am stuck for something to say and stand where I am, starring at the her silky snow white hair, tied up in a chingion so her neck temps any man with blood in his viens to kiss it. Which I do. She turns around and kisses me full on the lips.

'I thought you would never come.' she says. 'It gets lonely in here. I can watch old movies, change the view, but nothing comes close to company. Especially good looking young males with a hard on.'

I look down. 'So I have.'

'Don't let it go to waste.'

**************

The Sands gig is going well. The audience love the banter between Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Below is the set list which we have to follow. It should be exactly the same as the original concert. But the Rat pack being The Rat Pack you cannot guarantee anything.

Fanfare And Introduction - The Rat Pack Live At The Sands

Medley: Drink To Me Only With Thine Eyes/I Don't Care If The Sun Don't Shine/I Love Vegas (Paris) - Dean Martin

Monologue - Dean Martin

June In January - Dean Martin

Monologue - Dean Martin

Via Veneto - Dean Martin

Medley: Volare (Nel Blu, Dipinto Di Blu)/On An Evening In Roma - Dean Martin

Introduction: Ring-A-Ding Ding (Instrumental)

I Only Have Eyes For You

Call Me Irresponsible

My Heart Stood Still

Please Be Kind

I Have Dreamed

Luck Be A Lady

Dialogue

Medley: Marianne/Dance With A Dolly/You Are Too Beautiful/You Made Me Love You/Carolina In The Morning/Beautiful Dreamer/Dancing With Tears In My Eyes/Maria/Try A Little Tenderness/What Is This Thing Called Love

The Lady Is A Tramp - Sammy Davis Jr.

All The Way (Impressions) - Sammy Davis Jr.

Dialogue

Guys And Dolls

For instance. During 'Luck be a Lady Tonight,' from the musical Guys and Dolls Frank comes over to the piano and sits next to me and throws some dice onto the floor. Dean shouts, 'Snake Eyes, I win.' Frank stops the band with a wave of the hand and goes over to Dean. 'Who're you calling snake eyes?'

'You' drawls Dean. 'I've had so much wine that it's all I can see.' That's Dean's act, his forte, he pretends to be drunk all the time, but is as sober as a Quaker matron. Frank turns back takes two steps, then turns again as if he is going to start a fight.

'No good hitting me,' says Dean I'm Anithset..., anithes..., won't feel a thing.'

The audience love it. Frank strikes up the band and carries on where he left off. Dean gropes for his stool and wobbles on to it aided by Sammy Davis.

Back in the band room the banter carries on because they all have a chip in the neck that makes them their character. All except me of course I have played the set as Joe Coolz.

Frank suggests that we hit the town. What he doesn't realise and I know, is that there is no town. We are on an artificial planet that has famous venues for entertainment, such as The Sands, The London Palladium, The Moulin Rouge, The Reeperbahm, catering for stag parties and works outings. The punters know it is fake. I know it is fake, but whoever is prossed up as Frank doesn't. I would think this is a mistake by the owners. Think of all the extra business a whole fake Las Vegas would make. Not to talk of the gambling receipts, money from prostitutes and drugs. I must have a word with Brian when I get home. We have an empty planet, with a license for prostitution.

I say my goodbye's pop into the John, and press the return button on my watch. A moment of ecstasy and I am back on the black spot. Red is at the controls, and tells me I'm late. 'For what?' I ask.

'Our date.' she replies. “You know the see Flash Gordon, with you as Ming the merciless.' She swings her hair with a toss of the head. Her magenta lips opening to reveal her perfect teeth. 'With me as the princess, Aura.'

'That is the trouble with time travel, you don't know what day it is.' I say, 'is it still on?'

'Fortunately for you, yes. I would never have forgiven you if we had missed it, pick me up after my shift finishes at twelve.'