Chapter 55

Brian has a talent. It's for winding me up. No sooner had I placed my palm on the recognition plate by the door, than he was at me.

"Open the fucking door Brian"

"How do I know it is you, anyone can fake a palm print."
"Why don"t you ask me for my mothers maiden name, whilst you are at it. Or my secret word?"

"Okay, what is your secret word?"

I lose patience and use my key card. The door swings open and the familiar smell of my apartment greets me.

"Welcome home sir, I had to be sure. You could have been anyone."
"Redeem yourself Brian and make a surprise cocktail, whilst I take a shower in envigogel, I have a date.

Oh goody Miss Lake is on her way." I don"t disillusion him, he has the hots for Veronica, and I want to hear the disappointment in his voice when Red McGee turns up.
"Make another cocktail for my guest, keep it on ice." 
Once in the shower with the envigogel doing its thing the 20th century drops off me and I am back in today. It's a wonder the human race survived, Earth in the 1930's really is a dump. Like a trip around the Garbage Planet Gii, without the screens. Because I am quite a lot of the time in places without modern luxuries I try to keep up my hygene skills, like shaving and washing my crown jewels, but this shower has all mod cons. Auto shave, foot scrub, genital pampering, back scrub etc. and I turn them all on. After 15 minutes I have a new body. Scraped soaped scrubbed rubbed buffed polished air dried and perfumed. It seems a shame to cover it up with clothes, so I just put on a silk kimono, a present from the Emperor of Nipon V, and sit at the piano. My cocktail is also at my elbow. Now this is modern living. No more flee pit clip joints, Cats houses with cheap perfume and even cheaper broads. No from now on I am only taking 24 hour gigs with a guaranteed return and no IGBI involvement. And to prove I"m a Martian in 40037 I run a line of Avir Moondust along the piano top and take a good sniff. Brian coughs.

"Is that wise sir? Especially when guests are due."

Avir Moondust was distilled to give to the penal colony on Avir to keep them from going mad from boredom. It's effect are to enhance mundane tasks into exciting adventures. Pouring a cup of tea is transformed into the conquest of Everest. That kind of thing. To kill the effect you have inject vitamin B or eat Marmite. Not just a spoonful but a 2lb jar. I hate it. This is going to spoil my mood. I chase the whole jar down with cocktails. Now I"m not high but drunk. Drunk I can handle. Drunk I like, and I won"t get Berry Berry with the amount of vitamin B inside me. Brian still thinking Veronica is going to appear has placed small beautifully arranged canapés on every available surface. I eat a plateful and compliment him on his good taste.

If computers could smile his would be as wide as the asteroid belt.

He interrupts his private reverie to answer the holovid.

"Miss Red Sir, shall I tell her to go away as you are expecting guests."

'she is my guest Brian, so be civil and let her through."

"But I…"
"Don’t jump to conclusions Brian it is too human a habit for the likes of you, now let her in there's a good little computer, anyway you know Veronica doesn"t make arrangements, she just turns up, so be on guard."

Red materializes in a completely see through trouser suit and that is all. If it had a colour it would be midnight blue. Only someone who is confident in her own ability to fight off randy crew men could wear this "Kings Suit" of clothes.

I concentrate on her smile and offer her a canapé so declines and downs my cocktail instead.

"Brian you haven"t lost your touch, that was delicious, might I ask what was in it, or is a secret?" She knows how to boost an ego even if it as a used computer from wireless world."
Brian's voice has an air of pride about it.

"I am honour bound not to tell, by the code of compu cock, but I will make you my No.1 taster, I have a new combination I wish to try on a connoisseur."

It's all a load of crap of course but the sound of ice hitting the bottom of the shaker and various liquids being poured, followed by the shaking itself come from the kitchen. Then a highball glass hovers in front of Red. She takes it and sips then glugs.

"Woowee that is something else." Is it really or is she pandering to his ego?

"Try me with another."

The evening goes on like this for a few hours, even I get into the swing of it and down a few more. I play old English pub songs from WW2 and Red joins in with a surprisingly mellow voice. Eventually we crash out on the sofa. Brian has had his revenge creating a "No Sex Please We Are British" atmosphere. I dream of rain.


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I wake to find Red fondling my penis. She has managed to arouse it from its alcohol induced tumescence into a standing start. My head hurts though and I need re-hydrating. Red has read my mind and hands me a glass of iced orange juice. I gulp it down in one.

"I have the day off, what shall we do?"

I didn"t expect this I don’t do days with people. I do nights with muso's. I can hear Brian smirking.

"We could spend it in bed." She continues, giving my Prick a squeeze. I am tempted by this as a constituent part of my hangovers is randyness.

"Lets fuck and decide later." Her smile is beautiful to behold.