Chapter 65

My plan was to seek out Fats Waller and quiz him to see if he knows anything about the end of the Universe. A long shot I know but worth a punt in my opinion. Well that went wrong so I am now sitting at one of the front tables in the Stork Club. Another hair brained scheme to get into conversation with The Man and maybe V2 aka Babs. On the way here I called into the pawn shop under the Cat House and bought a pair of handcuffs with a key. Fortunate the key fitted the pair I was wearing. Here in The Stork Club the show has not started and I am tempted to entertain the half full house with a small piano recital. I call over the waitress who is dressed as a stork, all long legs and a feathered tutu with a small box hat in the shape of a stork’s head.

‘When is The Man due’, I ask. She shrugs and says. ‘ He doesn’t tell me his diary’.

‘And the floor show?’

‘Is no show.’

‘Perfect’, I say. ‘This is your lucky night.’

I take my seat at the Bechstein and play a little stride, then break into some more modern stuff. I soon have the audience in my hand. Well I am good at this even without a chip. After an hour or two I am ready for a break, I have been concentrating and enjoying myself so much I hadn’t noticed the arrival of The Man and his retinue. When I stop and look up, he is seated at his front table with Babs his Veronica clone. He claps me exaggeratedly. It could be genuine admiration but more like heavy sarcasm. Am I in trouble? Nah, I can’t be in trouble just for playing the piano like Oscar Peterson. I nod in thanks to him and head for the bar. I am on my second bourbon when the waitress comes over and says The Man wants a word. I follow her feathered ass to The Man’s table.

He motions me to sit in the empty chair next to Babs. She has had more work done and now looks the spit of Miss Lake. He does the introductions around the table and asks my name.

‘Joe Coolz from England’

‘Is that England Europe or England New’

‘Liverpool in England, fresh off the boat.’

‘Hey I was there in the War, before we shipped out to France. Some coincidence Ha!’

Did I go white, I felt kinda faint and hot at the same time.

‘I could be your Farder.’ He laughs and they all join in except Babs who just sighs.

‘What’s wrong wid you sourpuss,’ I don’t want to be in the middle of a domestic, so I get up.

‘The show must go on.’

‘Siddown, the show goes on when I say it goes on. Here get the man a drink.’

‘Now to business. There was a no show tonight so you got the Club out of a jam, for which I would be grateful if I liked your style. I’m a Fats Waller man, the modern stuff you can keep.’ The drinks arrive and the waitress dips her body to serve me. I put a $5 bill on her tray. ‘ On the house.’ Says The Man. ‘Can you do Fats Waller?’ and pockets the $5 bill.

‘Sheesh, what a skin flint.’ Says Babs.

‘I’ll put it towards your face work.’ Says The Man. Babs stands up and slaps him hard on the cheek. The Man punches her in the belly. She doubles up and sits down abruptly, groaning.

I want out and quick. This trip is turning into one big mistake. The Man stands up and calls out to his lieutenants ‘Lets go.’ He points to me, ‘The jobs yours $100 a night less the $5 application fee.’ He stuffs my note down the front of the waitress’s costume.

‘Don’t take any wooden nickels,’ says Babs between groans.