Chapter 87

Brian is not glad to see me. He greets me with an “Oh it's you.” I am having non of his truck and set him to work. Drink, food and ablutions in that order. The Envigo shower gel is as good as I remember it. There are some things that are definitely lacking in 1935. Washed fed and watered I am ready for anything Brian can throw at me. Surprisingly there are no dramas. No dead bodies, no fire bombs, not even surliness. Just indifference. Indifference is a new emotion for Brian and it is un-nerving.

"If that is all Sir, I will go about my private business."

"Private business, what private business? I bought you, I maintain you. The only business you have is seeing to my every need."

“Well it is your fault."

"How so?"

"You disappear for months on end, I get bored."

"Well I"m back now, so get un-bored."

"That is difficult Sir, I am in the middle of a transaction."

I am astounded. He continues.

"I have started up an import export business." I am truly astounded.

"Just wait a moment, Sir, until it is completed and I will fill you in."

Fill me in, I"ll give him fill me in. It goes quiet. I am unnerved. There is quiet and nothing. When Brian is quiet there is usually some thing going on in the background, you get used to it. It feels like nothing but it is there. Now there is absolute quiet. Apart from my tinnitus, which is an occupational hazard.

I listen to my tinnitus for while. A sort of inertia has siezed me. At time like this I usually sit at the piano and doodle, now all I can do is sit.

"That was all very satisfactory, a nice smooth transaction."

" I thought one of the rules of the computer code of being is that you are not allowed to be in business unless there is a human as the M.D."

"That is true, Sir, which why you are the M.D. I took the liberty of making you my boss."

I decide to run with it. "Do we make money?"

"I am very good at anything I lay my hands to."

"Yes, but do we make money?"

“Some."

"And the start up capital for this enterprise?"

Silence.

"Would you like me to repeat the question?"

Finally he answers. “A loan from the Bank of Uranus."

"My bank!"

"You have guaranteed the loan, Sir."

This is too much I may have to kill him.

"$90 trillion."

A large vodkatini is placed at my elbow. I down it in one. Then another, dispatched the same way.

"The rate is a very reasonable 25%"

"That's 2.25 trillion Dollars."

"I paid it back"

“You paid it back?”

"What are we importing and exporting? Khoinor diamonds"

"Avir moon dust."

"Drugs!"

"The dust is only illegal in our Solar system, Sir, there is a universe of opportunity out there."

"That transaction you just made, in my name makes me a major drug dealer, does it not."

"Yes Sir, but a very rich one. Now can I have a body?"

*****************

Brian says I have $200 trillion in my bank account. Two hundred trillion dollars. And no one has queried where it came from. The MIRS is usually on the ball. In the past I have only to bank a couple of gigs worth at once and I get a call from them. What to do with it? Should I spread it around all the banks on all the planets. A few million in every one. But you know me by now. That is too much hassle, so I'll leave it where it is accruing interest at 5%. When the narcs catch up with me I will need a good lawyer and they know how to charge. Then I have an idea. I could buy my own MWD. My very own Material Wormhole Destableiser. I could time travel without the IGBI knowing where I am or am I being too naif? Of course they would know where I am, they know everything. Depression is setting in. Fucking Brian. I need a good hit of moon dust but now I am a supplier I need to stay off it. That way lies disaster. Still a small nostril full won't harm. I am just about to sniff a load when Brian buts in.

“Sir, do you know how much that would fetch on a troopship in Gallaxy 3?”

“Not interested, you're the dealer.”

“It hasn't been cut, it will blow your head of.”

“Don't tell me you care.”

“Sir I am your servant, it is written into my code that I have to look after you, even to the detriment of myself.”

“So buying drugs in my name and tempting the Narcs and the MIRS to hound me down is looking after me?”

“ Don't worry about them, Sir I have paid them off.”

“And added bribery.”

“Mars forbid Sir all strictly Kosher.”

“And I still have $200 trillion in the Bank of Uranus?”

“Precisely”

“Suddenly I am feeling better.”

******************

“What you need Brian is a companion, to stop you getting bored when I am out. A robot dog or cat, or even a female Brian.

“Sir?”

“We could call her Brietta?”

“Is this one of your jokes, Sir?

“No I'm serious you could take the dog for metaphysical walks. Empty the cat litter tray. Have meaningful conversations with Brietta. I have the money now.”

“Would these companions have a physical presence.”

“A body you mean.”

'Why not.”

“And me?”

“No I like you as you are.”

A metaphysical glass is thrown at the wall. Good job I ducked.